If I knew I won't be doing anything much this week, I would have just stayed at home and sleep. Seriously. My days are as typical as this: wake up at 7, stone in office till lunch, stone at office till 4-5, if I'm in a good mood, I'll go for a run, and after that will be dinner, and after dinner, it's just me waiting to go to sleep. THAT'S ALL! for 4 freaking days I've been doing exactly this. Sorry I really can't help it. Well most people wouldn't complain. After all I'm getting paid to do this. But I just can't. It's seriously pushing me to the edge. Arghs.

Honestly I just can't wait to get out of this place. It's so darn boring, and it kills your motivation, mood, will, purpose or whatever things postitive. It's hell.

On the other hand, the only pleasing thing is the fact that I have free time for myself to go for runs, exercises. Let's see, I ran 5 on mon, 2.4 on tues, 7.5 yesterday and today.. Well let's see if I have any mood. And chin ups and push ups. I don't think I should even start on those. It's good really, cause I hope I won't suffer as much later on. Hmm maybe I should go gym later.

Ahhhh I just can't wait to get out. Suffocating in here man. I wonder how the others can take it. I always keep telling myself to look on the bright side of it, but honestly, where's the light man?! Rahh..

Okay I'm getting bored. Should go watch some movies. Ciao.

This phone is so cool. I think BEEEEE should get one too. But she's always pushing away the idea of me getting her one. Maybe hmmmm. I still have yet to surprise her haha. I bet she'd start nagging and scolding me once I post this up haha.

This darn place is making me so bored and out of fire. I need to get out soon. It's killing me seriously :( i need a change of environment.

Okay this is actually kinda random cause I just set up my livejournal app in the iphoneeeee haha. So here goes a random post. And also a random shout out to my dear BEEE, I love you :)

i guess it's one of those rare times that i spend at home doing nothing much but stoning. well why not blog right. and since ms insilah lus lee has been waiting so long for me to write something here, might as well i type some nonsense. something only she could understand, of course HEHEHE.

my parents are away in bali and i feel kinda sucky knowing that i'm confined only to my weekends for some fun or relaxation. or spending some quality time with her, which is one of the few things that i always look up to during these times. things have been going pretty well so far, though sometimes i feel kinda jaded doing the same things over and over again. work's always about the same thing. it doesn't change much, nor would it give me much motivation to do any better. it's getting so mundane and monotonous that, when all i do or feel, is what determines my thoughts and actions. well i guess it's no better outside too huh?

as much as i hate to go under the sun, or sweat it all out and drain all those energy off myself, i want to do it. i want to know how it feels like, and i want to get there. i want to feel all the pain, cause i know it's the only thing that can make me stronger. most people don't understand. we've lived in such comfort that, we don't care what's beneath it. what lies under the skin. and when we break ourselves down, that the strongest can only stand. not physically. but mentally too. so how can you achieve it?

i find that i'm not driven about all the comforts in the world. i don't care about how much money you can make, or how well you live your life with all the luxurious commodities that you own. i'm driven by what failures can do to us, and how we can learn from it. how we can use and implement it, to make this world a better place. i'm sad about the people that surrounds me every single day. they chase so much of those comforts that they find themselves in much aggravation. they care about getting their promotion, about earning that one single cent more than others, or getting their heads higher than the other. it leaves me in a memory of my ocs days, in which friends are disregarded for rankings and merit. why forsake it for your selfish needs? sometimes i hate to realise that our reality is cruel to its own. well perhaps it's just this damn place that people are the way the are.

sighs.

sometimes i feel that i'm overly self-righteous that it makes me all wrong. but if my thoughts are wrong, then i don't know what state of mind i'm in. she told me that i need to accept things as they are, that we live in a world of flaws and nothing is perfect. but i just don't understand why people have to be like this.

okay i think i've had enough of talking nonsense. should put up some picturessssssss. muahahaha.

 

that's me okay! one cool cat weeeeee.

mom rocks!

another one.
 

that's her and her crab pasta. YUMYUM la. sighs i wanna eat ):
 

i treat her to swensens on her bday okay. so nice of me heh.
 

 
the place where i always sleep every night. HAHA. so messy.
 

I LOVE THIS AIRCON. IT'S MINE, MY OWN!
 

my friend's. i think it was nice (:
 

hmmm who's that?! hehe.
 

 
we went swensens the other day and met her cousin too. ate earthquake YUMYUM. well, i didn't get fat. i wonder who did *HINTHINT*
 

ME (:

and the best of all, her sister is so cuteeeee! she's called 'the MONSTAAAA' (:

baby's gone to malaysia, and i'm stuck here at home with nothing much to do ): supposed to be in camp today. cause new batch of recruits just came in and it's supposed to be confinement week. but oh wells, i'm just clearing my leave, so tada. i'm at home. rahh. been surfing the net for quite some time, and i've decided to get a new phone for me self. have yet to seek approval from her, later she scold me for spending unnecessarily HAHA. and talkin bout her.. SIGHS I MISS YOU LA. can you come back soon pls. heh.

my days in tekong are nearing to an end. official d-day is 111109. today's date is 260909. how many more days, kids?! *givingthespongebobsquarepantsintrovoice* 46 MORE DAYS! butttt. i'm still waiting for my contract. yesyes, so much controversy over the fact that i should put pen onto paper. but my mind's decided. and with the blessings of my parents and my gf, everything will be well (:

roving at bedok camp was greatttt. wanted to stay there and turn regular at the same time but i guess i was a little too late. my guys there are honestly the best i've ever gotten as compared to those i got in tekong. but i didn't manage to give them a proper goodbye when i left. never felt so dedicated to serve and command them. i'm sure they'll turn out to be great men. too bad i can't go through shit with them ):

well not much things happened since the last time i blogged. well this place is almost dead, i can say.

ohoh! selamat hari raya to all! kinda forgot bout that. this year was a whole lot different then what i had the past few years. i didn't celebrate hari raya last year, cause i was in taiwan. and for this year, well honestly speaking. i kinda forgot how the spirit used to be like. even then, something really special happened this year. AND i'm truly happy *jumpsupanddown* for being able to go through this hari raya with my dear insilahluslee, and her family. with god's will, i'm sure we'll have a great and fulfilling life together (:

i'm gonna get my new phone at 5 latersxzx! won't know how the phone would be till i meddle and godeh the whole phone myself. heard a lot of positive reviews on it, so let's see how it turns out (:

and i wanna go overseas with all the leave that i have! baby think of something, will you?! HEHEHE.

i was tryin to find out when was the last time i posted something here, and then i was kinda shocked to look at the clock and it says 30th july. and when i looked at my previous post, i don't remember posting anything 4 days ago. such a bummer. it's been a month and it felt like i've been on a spaceship to moon or something. that i've been seeing the same things over and over, and i don't realise how fast things have been moving around me. sometimes i pity myself cause of all the things that i've missed out, like how rarely i see my family and friends, or even enjoy my own free time. my weekends were burnt so frequently, i lost count of how many offs i'm supposed to be rendered. still i don't get to go out often during weekdays cause i'm just sooo far away from home.

i went to tekong twice when i was attached to bedok camp. well i still am, for a week more. then i'll be heading back to the sheethool. and every single time i walk down the jetty, there's this huge poster that i think means a lot to me right now. it says, "it's not what you left behind, it's what you gain in the days ahead." well i think it goes somewhere along that line. which i believe should apply to every single person who's going through such a tough time around here. i may have missed or lose out in a lot of things out there, but i'm sure there's a lot more things i can gain in the days ahead, which i think will be uniquely mine to earn.

it was just june when i left that sheethool for a better place. and i felt that i've gained a lot of things for this 3 months. and i'm trully grateful for what i was able to go through, despite all the problems, fatigue and stress that ate me up. for all the experience, it was worth it.

i've realised that i'm driven by what i want to achieve. i want to go through all the sheet that this life can offer to me. i want to feel the pain and anguish of my ownself, to demand my own limit, and push beyond my own boundaries. i want to earn it, so i can understand why the life that is laid out to me right now is all worth it. i want to have that feeling when i first came back from brunei. that regretful, yet appreciative feeling of life. i just need it. cause i know that's how i can change my perspective of things. and that i want it so badly.

i've never felt so far away from home ever since ocs days. well i didn't think it would be that bad, especially when i'm actually IN mainland. sadly i live so far away from camp, that when i see my friends book out at night for some rest at home, i can barely make my trip back via train, cause it just takes too much time. so far i took 4 cab rides during my 3 weeks of confinement, and all of that amounted to about 120 bucks in total. that sucks. but oh wells. IT WAS ALL WORTH IT (:

anyways.

i wanted to say a lot of things. but somehow i feel so tired to type it down. maybe i'll save them for another time. ciao.
 

i went for singapore open today and it was horrendous. well i have to admit i didn't prepare much for it, just like for any other tournament. but this time, it was different and i'm totally regretting it now. i won't say i played that bad, cause i know i didn't. it's just not my day i guess. i should have known better the conditions of a major tournament, especially that of an international one. but i guess, it slipped my mind, and i couldn't play as well as i would have liked to. well i shall not elaborate further cause i bet none of you would understand what i would say but oh wells. i'm still pending on going for another one tmr night. but this time, with a little bit more preparation. well let's see how it goes huh.

anyways.

i haven't been updating this space for quite some time. hmm. i guess i've been a bit lazy, or that my life had been the same for the past few days or so haha. roving's still in a limbo, and i don't know where i'll end up in 2 weeks' time. well let's just see how it goes. but so far life's been goon. i mean, good. HEH. well it used to be boring, but things have changed and it's definitely for the better (:

oh i forgot to take leave tmr. and friday's a special day, and definitely a damn good one too. i'm so gonna spend my whole day with you heh (: